I'm Too Sexy For... The Beef Burger...It's No Bull
The Carolinian Online, Monday, October 4, 2004, Series: Lifestyles
The Independent Student Newspaper of UNC Greensboro
Greensboro, NC
By Devin Singley , Staff Reporter

God loves Beef Burger, at least according to the sign inside Beef Burger.

This week, I'll be writing about all the little known, but terrific eatery mentioned above. It has occurred to me that all my previous columns (both of them) worked as 700-word ads to stores. Since I also sell ads at this paper, I decided I should stop this counter-productive practice.

I'll be honest here, instead of just giving the goods away for nothing, this time I'm hoping to get a free meal or two. I will stop wasting valuable column inches at this point.

Beef Burger has to be the best place to eat, that is also close to campus and also overlooked by UNCG students. What saddens me the most is how so many people don't eat there because they don't like the way it looks. Having brightly colored hair and piercings myself, I am rather apposed to people who judge value on appearance.

Beef burger still makes each burger individually. When you order, the burger you get is the one you ordered, not what some meat jockey leaves sizzling until a bell sounds. Beef burger has been chilling in the same spot on Lee Street between Aycock and Tate for more than 40 years.

I asked myself, how is it that Beef Burger competes against today's dollar menus and fast food wonderlands. The answer made itself clear to me: Marvel Versus Capcom.

Beef Burger is not only home to great beef, but the greatest video game in all creation.

To those who don't know, Marvel Versus Capcom is the game where famous Marvel comic heroes have it out against the more famous Capcom game characters, like those in "Street Fighter." Sure, we all love Mrs. Pacman, but the appeal of Spider-man fighting that little green guy who shocks folks from SF2 is just a little too much temptation.

Perhaps you are addicted to gambling, like myself. If so, Beef Burger houses a most amazing machine. Really, you just put a quarter in and you get a foreign coin or something like that, but under the mind-frame that you always win more money, it makes a great slot machine.

Those of you well versed in the Comedy Central hall of fame, some of Beef Burger might even look familiar.

Yes, once upon a magical time, Beef Burger was a location in the film "Bull Durham." As film student, I like to sit there with my food and pretend I'm working on the set of Bull Durham, as a gaffer, who sits back and eats food. Mmm, tastes like credits. The true sign of quality is the availability of Cheerwine as your tasty beverage. Have ever tried a beef burger with a Cheerwine? It's so amazing, I fear my nose will fall of thinking about it.

But a truly magnanimous establishment of burger related nourishment isn't solely judged by beverage options, B- movies, nose removal, or video games. No, it's judged by the quality of 99 cent French fries.

Now, I admit, I don't look like a fry connoisseur, but in my time at UNCG, I've eaten many things because they cost only 99 cents.

Anyone can make French fries, and anyone can sell them for 99 cents, but not just anyone can turn a frown upside down with a salt covered, deep fried potato stick. So just you think about that, you no-liking-Greensboro-nicks. We got a burger joint close to campus that was in a movie, with cheap fries and one of those machines where, for a quarter, you use a claw to try to grab a stuffed bear. And by the way, God allows U-turns.

Copyright The Carolinian Online, Oct 04, 2004

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